Let me see if Iíve got this straight.

Several hundred thousand illegal immigrants protest in major cities all over the United States over immigration laws.

What?

And we didnít send the military in to round up the whole kit and kaboodle and ship Ďem right back out?

Whereís the logic in all this? You have bazillions of illegal aliens protesting about being illegal. Thatís likeÖlike a bazillion crack cocaine users protesting about crack cocaine being illegal. No, itís even worse than that, because a crack head can protest without being on crack at the time. Youíre illegal no matter what you do. (Donít bother calling the ACLU on me for the term "crack head" either. Itís illegal and stupid, period.)

Listen now, where I come from (which, granted, is an Indian reservation, but thatís neither here nor there) if youíre illegal, you got no rights. If youíre in this country illegally, having smuggled yourself in by riding the axle of a semi-tractor trailer or floated in from the islands on a contraption of milk jugs tied togetherÖwhateverÖyou donít have the right to the same wages, the same medical benefits, the same retirement system or anything like that as someone who was born legally in this country to American parents from American lineage all the way back to when the first immigrants got here in 1492.

"But weíre a land of immigrants," they say. Well, whoopee-dadgum-doo. Letís just throw the doors open and invite everyone to take the jobs from the rest of us, break the back of our social service systems that are having enough trouble taking care of those of us who have a right to be here and those who donít want to work or live a responsible life. Letís just invite more folks in to get medical attention and a check on your tax dollars.

The nerve that illegal immigrants would protest out in open public just galls the bejeezus out of me. The nerve of the government not doing something about it Ė like shipping their illegal behinds back to whatever nation they came from Ė galls me even more.

The nerve of Ďem.

Iíve said it before and Iíll probably say it again after this, but when I get to the point where I call a company or a government agency and I have to dial Ď1í for English or Ď2í for Spanish, things is tough. When I have to dial Ď1í for Spanish or Ď2í for English, Iím ticked off and I ainít gonna take it no more. Like I said before, learn the language if you get here legally. Itís called English. Itís the official language of this country, whether itís in writing or not. Learn to speak it fluently, and be proud that you can also speak your native language (my people, for instance, were almost eradicated along with their language, be thankful!) and use it among friends and family. But the United States of America speaks English. Get over it.

A columnist who runs on this page, Dick Morris, warned recently that Mexicans are going to be offended if the United States does as some have proposed, build a wall between our borders. "Mexicans are deeply offended by the idea of a wall designed to keep them out," Morris wrote.

Well, you know what? Whoopee-dadgum-doo.

What are they going to do, stop selling us their sugar? Thatíd be fine with me and a bunch of cane farmers in St. Mary Parish, Iíll bet.

Please. Thatís like saying, "The person whoís about to break into your home is going to be offended if you install a security system." Come on, letís get real here. Illegal is illegal, period.

During these rallies, lots of folks were carrying signs reading, "We Are America." Well, that depends if youíre legal or not, doesnít it? If you arenít, then youíre wrong. Americans pay taxes, social security contributions, mortgages, etc. We are Americans who were born here or followed the legal process to be here (some of us, no boast intended, were here first, but weíll pass that for now!)

"We Are America." As if. Americans pay $2.70 a gallon for gas and $3.84 for milk on minimum wage. Americans go off and fight for their country in wars just or unjust. Americans have insurance and pension plans. Americans make laws that are equitable and fair to allow immigration, but itís only one continent we canít host everybody. There has to be limitations, and when it comes to protecting what we got, Iím for limiting it further.

Mexico wants to get offended? More power to Ďem. Cuba? Theyíve been offended since the Kennedy administration. Try protesting and carrying signs reading "We Are America" in Havanna and see how long you breathe.

"But itís easier for an English resident to immigrate to America than some others," they say, and I say: Whoopee-dadgum-doo. Does that surprise you? Why do you think we made immigration rules? To keep out the riff-raff. Some see this as some kind of memberís only segregationist club. So be it. But if youíre coming into this country outside the legal process, youíre a criminal and ought to be treated like one. Thatís what laws are for, and those laws, at least, are just. If youíre doing crack youíre a criminal, if youíre stealing cars youíre a criminal and if youíre a fine, upstanding, law-abiding and hard-working illegal immigrant, sorry, youíre still a criminal because youíve got a job maybe some American could have.

Just my two cents.